Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dammit, You Crafty Bastards

When the vampires came, they were not what anyone expected. They were not dashing or debonair, nor where they exceptionally attractive or hideous. They did not turn into bats and they did not drink blood, and by and large, they did not sneak into the rooms of boxom milk-skinned virgins and molest them by niping at the base of their neck (though some did, but they were quickly rounded up and arrested). No, when the vampires came they joined the work-force and quickly rose thorough the ranks to a comfortable mangement position, for they were dependable and capable and pleasent and could get others to work with maximum efficency. They could make presentation and tell dirty jokes at corporate retreats and really wow the board with those numbers, yes they did. And soon they would become our bosses and were given the big office at the third floor and a secretary and a pension and health (with full dental). Soon, they were in our office break rooms getting coffee and asking you to come in on Saturday to finish those quarterly reports and would you be a dear and send those faxes to accounting as soon as possible, that would be lovely.

Soon, they were playing Santa at the office Christams party and carrying around a fake mistle toe and inviting all the ladies to kiss and soon they were drinking too much eggnog and making a pass at Karol, the big-breasted receptionist that you made out with that one time, and xeroxing their bottocks on the copy machine. Soon, they were at company pinics winning the sack race. Soon they were making you go to weekend retreats to talk about team-work and subjecting you to motivational speeches and trust building exercises. Soon they were repeating last night Letterman monologue in front of the company water cooler and messing up all the punchlines. Soon, they was giving you unsolicitated relationship advice. Soon they were at your cubicle and soon you were in their offices and soon you were notified that you were a very hard worker and the company appreciated all that you have done for them and due to some budgetary cutbacks they were going to have to let you go and soon you would have to be out by the end of the day. Soon you were picking up your things and telling your co-workers goodbye and soon the vampires was giving you a firm handshake and pat on your shoulder. And as you walk to your door, you felt weak and tired and twenty years had passed and you were not the young man you used to be. And you turn to look back at them and they looked as young and spry as ever. And they had called Karol over to his office and he closed the door behind them.

© Benel Germosen 2009

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