Tuesday, October 5, 2010

You Should Check The Warrenty

I knew you'd have to get your hands dirty to do this job. Sales isn't an easy business. It was Tuesday night. I was standing in the office staring down at the smashed cherry pie that used to be Drew's face. I had the cellphone gripped tightly in my hand. I could hear the dial tone going beep beep beep. My mouth hung open like a rusted door. I believe I may had wet myself.

" Dolores. " I said over my shoulder, like a nine year old calling for mommy after spilling his juice box. " Can you come in here , please. "

Dolores was a short, plump woman who walked with a limping waddle, hands perpendicular to her hips like she was balancing books on her head. She had served me dutifully these last ten years. She had seen it all. Stains, grime, dirt, unflattering Christmas ties, everything. She could make sense of this. If anyone could, it was her.

" Oh, not again."

" Again? "

She orbited around me like a comet in her powder blue dress.

" It happens sometimes. What did you do exactly? "

" I just came in here to use the fax machine. I was on the phone when...when..."

Dolores nodded dutifully. " Yup. The cell signal must have interfered with their microwave array. Bounces the signal around their heads like marbles in a can."

" His head exploded "

She nodded her head. " Mmmhmmm." She said and turned away.

" I'll get maintenance. " She gave me a look. " And some new pants. "  

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